Abdullah's Notes
How to experience telepathy
15 Sep 2025A couple of years back, on a boring summer evening, I decided to learn how to dance, on a whim. Keep in mind that dancing had always been something far out of my comfort zone. Of all the dance styles I could have possibly chosen, I (unknowingly) chose one that belonged to a sub-genre called social dancing.
And that was the luckiest thing I could have possibly done.
Instead of feeling like a fish out of water, I finally felt like I truly belonged. Not just because the dancing itself is so much fun, but because social dancing is a surprisingly nerdy activity, in the most delightful way possible. And it also allowed me to experience first-hand (while also being reminded of) how human beings are capable of things so incredible that they would seem to be taken straight out of a fantasy novel. I would like to share that feeling with you to the best of my ability.
So, back to that evening.
I decided to look up salsa classes near me, for I'd heard the name of that dance before. But I couldn't find any that same evening - just a class for something called "bachata". I was impatient and wanted something to do the very same day, and I also knew, if I waited longer, I'll have enough time to talk myself out of it.
So, I went. Got there 10 mins before time. Stood outside the class nervously, terrified in anticipation of looking silly and awkward in a room full of "natural dancers", afraid to hold the class back and somehow embarrass myself.
But when I walked in, I found myself in a room full of people that also seemed just as nervous as I was. Being a dance class, I expected to see mostly young people in mostly decent shape. But, I found myself in a room full of people of all age groups, genders and body types. I was completely intrigued.
Soon after the beginning, the class is split up into two groups - "leaders" and "followers".
When you're dancing with a partner, one of you assumes the role of a leader - the person that keeps track of the music, decides which moves are to be executed, and communicates to the other person what to do.
The other assumes the role of a follower - the person that executes what the leader is leading. The follower maintains the timing and rhythm of the song, while adding their own embellishments here and there.
Thereafter, we were taught some simple steps, without any particular song to set those steps to. The ending of those patterns were such that it was easy to start the pattern again, or begin a different one, which can all be either connected to each other, or looped to themselves, infinitely. These steps, we're told, will work well for most songs in that genre.
That this is even possible might be obvious to some of you, but for a lot of us, that was actually a novel idea. The steps weren't just cool moves any more. They were functional, and had a sense of pattern and logic to them. And they weren't specific anymore - they were designed to match any song in that genre.
To anybody that's learnt a new game as an adult, these kinds of roles, limits, powers and responsibilities; part of a mutually agreed upon set of abstract rules, will feel extremely familiar. And just like with other games, you get to experience the unique kind of joy found in learning the game well, while getting better and better at it, with tricks, skills and strategies.
And that's just the beginning. There was SO MUCH MORE TO IT than just grooving with the music that it caught me completely off-guard - in the best way possible. If, like me, you'd never heard of this before, here's how these games work.
gamified witty banter
So far, you've seen how social dancing can be thought of as a game. Importantly, it is a true positive-sum game: winning the game requires you both to play well and win together, by contributing to and enjoying the experience together, as opposed to most other games that are zero-sum - a win for one means a lose for the other(s).
Analogies aside, what social dancing essentially is, is improvised dancing, with a partner, to a random song. This is made possible because, long ago, across several cultures, people figured out there are different rhythms that work well with specific kinds of music. These rhythms have names, often matching the name of the genre of music they work well with. Famously, 1-2-3 5-6-7 for Salsa, 1-2-3-tap-5-6-7-tap for Bachata and 1-2-3 4-5-6 for Waltz, for example.
When both people in a couple "switch feet" (shift weight from one foot to another) in these rhythms, at the same time, at the same speed, while listening to the same song, one is able to track the shifts of weight in the other person's body, and even reliably predict where their weight is gonna be, or what they might be inclined to do, at future points in the song.
This basic idea is the blank page upon which the entire dance is "co-authored" together.
the many conlangs of social dancing
Each of these dances have, and I'm not making this up, their own conlangs.
In case you don't know, a "conlang", short for "constructed language", is a fictional language that is invented for a specific purpose. They can be created for a piece of media, like the Elvish languages in Lord of the Rings, or to be used in the real world, like Esperanto.
And that is exactly what all these dances are. They're invented languages. And unlike most languages, these aren't written, heard, spoken or read. They are "communicated" by moving your body in certain ways.
Think of every small movement as a word in the language. When you just start learning a dance, first, you learn very basic movements - the letters and the words. When you get good at those, you learn very basic sentences. In English, that might be, "the cat sat on the mat". In a dance, that might be just keeping the rhythm while turning around.
Once you learn some basic sentences, you are asked to practice a mini dialogue with other beginners. The person that assumed the role of the leader initiates these conversations. They "lead" by communicating to the follower a request to perform a step. The follower responds by dancing the step. The leader dances with the follower as they do this. And then a new move. Repeat. Practice practice practice.
Traditionally, men lead and women follow. That’s still common today. However, in most social dance communities, anyone - regardless of gender identity or orientation - can choose to lead or follow, without judgment. In fact, breaking from the usual roles is often seen as impressive.
And finally, whatever your skill level, at the very beginning of a song, you both move your bodies slowly, getting a feel for how the other person moves, while also hinting that you are aware of the dance form and the rhythms. This is the small talk - the initial "Hey!", "How are you?", "I'm fine, and you?" of the dance. You can now trust that this person speaks the same language, and can at least exchange some basic ideas back and forth.
completing. each other's. sentences.
Slowly, week by week, month by month, you grow your vocabulary. You keep having practice conversations with people. You "converse" with people who are just starting, you "converse" with people who've spoken this language for decades. You learn, you pick up, you adapt.
It keeps taking less and less effort to make someone dance a specific step, and it keeps becoming easier and easier to recognise what step someone wants you to do. It keeps getting easier and easier to lead and follow increasingly complex sequences and moves.
Slowly, the amount of thought required to do this goes lower and lower. You start experiencing moments where the leader has to merely begin leading a move, and the follower intuits what they must do. For that one moment, instead of exchanging sentences, you end up doing what almost feels like one of you finishing the other person's sentence.
And once you get a taste of that kind of connection, you will chase it for however long it takes. Slowly but surely, you are able to experience conversations where you both are almost always finishing each other's sentences. Keeping the rhythm and tempo start to become as second nature as the grammar of your native tongue.
communicating in real-time
"Speaking" with one another in this way, the reactions start "forming" almost as soon as signals are received, creating the perception of a real-time connection.
I wanna stress just how crazy it is that this is even possible. Most exchange of information happens sequentially. If I say something, that is the cause, your response to my sentence is the effect. Effect will always follow cause.
But most of you have probably experienced what it's like to feel like you know what someone is about to say, just by their body language, and the tone of their first few words. (Most likely, you've been on both sides of such moments.)
Learning to social dance is almost like learning how to do that deliberately, as a skill.
With more and more practice, you get better and better at moving your body in certain ways, and at paying attention to the movements of the other person's body. You reach a point where that "cause" and "effect" start to overlap almost completely.
And that's where the magic happens.
thinking and feeling together
Since dancing is a language, it can be used to communicate. Once you have a large enough vocabulary, and have trained yourself enough to move and stop and engage and relax in specific patterns, with more and more nuance and isolation across different body parts, you can start having surprisingly complex and abstract conversations.
Among spoken languages, there are some that express certain concepts or emotions better than others. Similarly, there are feelings, emotions, ideas and concepts that are usually communicated better through dance than with words.
Sometimes, you will have a conversation with someone that conveys a lot of emotions and feelings. Crucially, and this might surprise people who've never experienced it, these do not have to be emotions and feelings you may have towards one other. Rather, it is a conversation you can have about those feelings, as a shared experience.
Except, remember how the experience of cause and effect slowly begin to overlap till they merge together? In terms of what that actually feels like while dancing, is that you both seem to be completely in sync with each other, the "having" and the "execution" of a thought for the leader, the "listening" and "responding" by the follower, and then the subsequent "acknowledgement" by the leader, all seem to occur simultaneously.
So imagine being able to talk about abstract concepts or difficult emotions, or enact a powerful story, in a way where the other person is so in tune with your brain, that the conversation feels like a little 3 minute telepathy session.
And that is what the best dances feel like. The best dances are often described as those that leave you with a shared sense of astonishment about just having had such an incredible conversation.
For a moment, it leaves you in awe of how well humans are actually able to communicate with one other; of what the human body is capable of with consistent effort. And of just how cathartic expressing your feelings and being heard can be.
meetups
Like most niche games, social dancing does have meetups. Chances are, it's more active than the DnD or MTG clubs in your city.
What do these look like?
These meetups, called socials, are usually held weekly, larger ones being held monthly or annually. They have the "games" (dances) advertised. People of all skill levels attend.
You show up there and dance with someone. You stick to dancing with your friends if you're new, and with strangers if you feel confident enough. Most experienced dancers will happily dance with and encourage beginners. At the same time, everybody's right to reject a dance is wholeheartdely respected. Even the slightest creepiness or harassment will get you ostracised.
And you know what else is respected? Your right to not want to socialise. There is zero compulsion to exchange words during a dance, besides the bare minimum: saying hi, asking someone to dance, and saying thank you after. You could spend a night making a hundred new friends, or you can spend a night having zero conversations, just enjoying the music, the vibes and the dancing.
a multiverse of music
Different groups of dances have different flavors, styles and cultures attached to them. The social norms and etiqeuttes also vary greatly.
For example, in the ballroom world, your dance partners are (usually) determined before the event, and the dances are usually scheduled to the minute. In the Latin world, you simply walk up to someone and ask them to dance with you. Meanwhile, Argentine Tango socials (called milongas), are set up with tables and chairs, and to dance with someone, you have to catch their eye across the room, nod, and if they nod back at you, when a new song starts playing, you walk up to each other on the floor, and dance with them for several songs in a row, each one giving you a better idea of how to best dance with this person.
some other benefits
Of course, social dancing has other benefits. It has been proven to help with depression and anxiety. Studies have linked dancing in general and social dancing in particular to reduce anxiety, depression and stress. Some recent studies have even found that it lowered risks of dementia and Alzheimer's. Obviously, it also helps with fitness goals. It builds your confidence like few other activities do.
For some people, any one of those reasons might be significant enough to try it out. Although these aren't the reasons why I dance, I'll take the happy side-effects.
Regardless of what fascinates you, I hope I have succeeded in conveying just how crazy and beautiful this multiverse is - one that many of us don't even know exists.